PENSIEVE

My Most Embarrassing Moment EVER! A PENSIEVE guest post

Prompted by my admission that sometimes I m i g h t wet my pants, readers shared their most embarrassing moments in the comment threads of those posts; a few told me they would love to blog it, just not at THEIR blogging spot.  We'll call it Blogging Public Service that I invited them to write it and guest post it here at PENSIEVE...'cause we ALL know I'm all about self-effacing public humiliation laughing "at" or "with", just as long as you laugh!  If you'd like to share YOUR story, include it here in comments or email me!

Thanks to Michelle, one of Inspired Bliss's wonderful contributors, for sharing her story; awkward as it is...I didn't know whether to laugh or CRY!

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My worst, most humiliating, horrifying, embarrassing moment happened about a year ago:  I dropped a cell phone on a dead guy.

Not dead as in laying in a coffin dead, but freshly dead, as in just died.  I am always deeply uncomfortable in these situations because I have absolutely no idea what proper deathbed etiquette is.  I usually just fumble around and do the best I can while my super-star pastor husband says and does everything with grace, compassion, and eloquence.

So we’re standing around the dead body, and I’ve got my cell phone in my hands.  I think we were going to pray or something, and as I reached out to grab someone’s hand, my hand slipped.  My cell phone landed with a surprisingly loud thud right in the middle of the dead guy’s chest.  Every single person in the room looked at the phone, and then looked at me.  I could have fallen through the floor.  I wished I could fall through the floor.  My beloved husband gave me a pitiful look, picked up the cell phone, and handed it back to me.

If someone you know dies, don’t call me to come.  I will not bring comfort.  I will be awkward and uncomfortable, and you will be as well.  I will call or send a nice card.

~ Michelle Wegner

Editor's note: the one time I'm thankful NOT to have a picture to accompany the post!

Uh, oh: Our Thanksgiving Day Disaster

"Need" is a relative term, don't you think?  How often do you begin a sentence with the words "I need..." when the truth is "I want..." would be more accurate? 

No irony is lost as I pen those words on Black Friday (**wink**).

While I'd love to explore the distinction between needs and wants, this post isn't about that exactly...perhaps a qualifier would help me express my current state of "need": 

Because I've grown accustomed to the convenience it provides and everyone in our family uses it every day, I need a new microwave.

"Why?" you ask.  Well, yesterday while heating the packet of glaze that accompanied our Smithfield Spiral Sliced Ham (recommended by my beloved Paula Deen), it exploded.

It wasn't pretty.

Glazing the ham and popping it back in the oven for 15 minutes was one of the last tasks to complete for our Thanksgiving feast.  When I checked the glaze packet's progress at three minutes into the heating cycle, I was already too late.  To my shock and horror, as I peered through the glass, I saw the a disgusting brown goo effervescing (<---SOooo the perfect word because it WAS bubbling, hissing and foaming as gas escaped!) over the sides of the dish the packet was in.  Upon examination of the packet, we realized it was nearly empty and the bowl was encrusted with a brown sugar resin that wasn't coming off without a fight. 

The microwave fared much worse.

It took mere seconds--SECONDS, I TELL YA!--for this stuff to harden into an amber second skin that nothing--NOTHING--could remove...not an SOS pad (though clearly I was distressed), not a chisel, not a blowtorch, not a beltsander...m a y b e some C-4 explosive, but typically we don't have that on hand. 

After an initial inner "AGGGGHHHHHHH--NOW WHAT?!?!" I calmly regrouped and remembered I've made homemade glazes for ham before the "convenience" (ha!) of a pre-made packet (using a mixture of brown sugar, yellow mustard and orange juice for thinning to pouring consistency).

Given that I have one oven, had the turkey in at 7 a.m. so there'd be time to get everything else cooked (the ham, sweet potato and squash casseroles, macaroni & cheese, rolls), and there was tons of multi-tasking going on, I'm thankful that was the only disaster.

It made for a memory, no?

Plus...that microwave was left behind by the previous homeowners when we bought our house five years ago, its interior was tinted a permanent stain of dinge, and I've been wanting to replace it for years; because it still worked, I couldn't justify it.

Perhaps I owe Paula Deen and Smithfield Foods my gratitude.  Perhaps they owe me a microwave ;).

REVISED: 

a)  Ummm...oopsie!  We just found the directions for heating the glaze and it seems "user error" might be involved; it was 4-5 minutes if heating in a pan on the stove, 45 seconds if microwaving {{blushing}}.

b)  Paula?  Smithfield?  mea culpa for pointing a finger...apparently at least three were pointing back at me :D.

A great, full heart

The table is set and ready, soon to be laden with laughter and love and our favorite holiday dishes.  Three generations will celebrate in our home today, and I'm cognizant not everyone enjoys the luxury I do--truly to enjoy my family as friends.  I don't take that for granted (and for anyone who visits my blog, I prayed for you this morning, that there would be peace and harmony in your family gathering :) ).

Many hands will prepare the food we'll inhale later, and I'm also aware of the influence so many different people have had in my kitchen--it's like the ghosts of friends and family are celebrating with us, as I cook recipes they once shared with me.  I smile and think of them and wonder if they're cooking a recipe of mine.

Once again I'll require a "ticket" for lunch; though we don't keep up with our Thankful Box through the year like I'd ideally like to, it definitely adds flavor and memory to our meal. 

Happy Thanksgiving friends...I'm so grateful to have you in my circle of friends!

Praise the LORD!  I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart.
Psalm 111:1

The mystery in our yard

Living in a heavily wooded area near a creek, we see all kinds of critters--foxes, snakes, wild turkeys, deer, skunks, opossums, raccoons, even groundhogs.  Given that we live in a suburban neighborhood, this always surprises (and delights) me.

But I was a little spooked by what my son found over the weekend while he was raking leaves; with all due respect, I named him Rocky the Squirrel:

He was bright-eyed.  He was even bushy-tailed.  The only problem?  He was dead.  I couldn't help wondering what in THE world happened to him--he looked frozen and had no visible wounds.

In more than a few Southern counties, locals would've called him "dinner". Beats opossum road-kill any day of the week ;).

When words of encouragement hit the mother lode...!

What's the opposite of "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me"?  For someone whose love language is "words of affirmation", might it be "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can sometimes heal me"?

Lame.  Yuck.  I got nothin' (please, PLEASE enlighten me if you've got somethin' :) ).

Those who know me understand that "words" speak life into me.  Encouraging words buoy me; discouraging words, torpedo my heart. 

My favorite gifts given and received involved words.

It's no wonder, then, when I read Shannon's post last week (Rocks in My Dryer) about a husband who created a secret "mother letter" blog as a Christmas gift for his wife this year, I absolutely melted into a puddle of word-gushiness. 

From my post today at Inspired Bliss (it's not plagiarism if I'm copying my own words, right?):

Following a perspective-altering, life-changing trip to Africa last year, SecretDaddy (dubbed by me) decided 2008 would be different.  One of the manifestations of that decision is his family (including extended) will create gifts for one another and contribute the amount they would’ve spent to the village he visited.

SecretDaddy, in collecting letters from mothers to mothers, wants to hear your story–your concerns, your wisdom, your perspective–and he will compile them all in book form to give to his wife.  Moms who contribute a letter before Christmas will receive a web-copy, too.... (click here to continue)

If you're a mother, regardless of the ages of your children, would you please consider writing a letter of encouragement for The Mother Letter Project?  You can leave your thoughts in comments or send an email at motherletter(at)gmail(dot)com.  I've detailed additional GREAT ways at Inspired Bliss to become involved with TMLP (including a contest!), so I DO hope you'll check them out, too!

And if you're a father or don't yet have children or just wanna chime in in general?  I sure would love to know your thoughts, too.

Kingdom Coming

What this video lacks in style, more than makes up in substance (if you'd like to download the finished version, details are here).

With every listen...I like it more...prepare to have your heart pierced.

Please tell me the monkeys can't fly!

Shaun Groves has a plan.

I received a very impersonal mass email from him today letting me know he was giving away music and offering a free download to anyone who is interested (<---click that link to "meet" Shaun...funny guy, he is).  The name of the song is "Kingdom Coming" and in a word, it's beautiful; musically, lyrically, the song has depth and significance.

Shaun impresses me because of the choices he's making; he's one of those who's "walking the walk" while he's talkin' it, and in so doing, he's advancing God's kingdom in the here and now.  To explain what I mean, here's an excerpt from his email (bold print mine, not his):

"Kingdom Coming" was inspired by my many years of partnering with Compassion International to release children from poverty in twenty-five of the world's poorest countries. Four years ago, after seeing for myself how far a little goes in the developing world, Becky and I were inspired to sell our house, cut off the cable and make several other changes in an effort to simplify our lives so that others could simply live. Because of those changes our expenses are so low that we've been able to do nothing for the last four years but sing and speak (100 times a year) and blog on behalf of Compassion International at no charge to the public. In that time thousands of children have been sponsored through Compassion and have been educated, fed, healed, played with, and told about the love of Jesus as a result. This free download, and the ones to follow, are just the next logical progression for us. 

Please, click the link below to download the song yourself.  I think you'll see what I mean :).

Oh...and the title of this post? You'll have to click the link in the first line above  for it to make sense :).

Deck the halls with....UGLY SWEATERS?!

Big Mama is on the prowl for the ugliest Christmas sweater you can find (in your closet, at the mall, on your mother-in-law--wherEVAH) .  Prizes will be awarded.  And for once?  I really hope I don't win :).

Rules?  For a contest like this, there has to be rules or it might get a little too crazy:

1. You have between now and December 17th to email your entries to bigmama8303@yahoo.com. I will announce the winners along with color commentary on Friday, December 19th.

It will be like our very own Ugly Christmas Sweater party but without a keg of Miller Lite and drunk fraternity boys.

Click the badge for the rest of the 4-1-1:

To say I'm excited is an understatement...

...but at least this time I stopped short of wetting my pants.

Yesterday was bitterly cold in our neck of the woods, especially when you consider I live in the South.  Wind chill drove the "feeling temperature" to the teens.

You can imagine how thrilled I was to attend my son's evening soccer game; it had me thinking soccer and football needed to change seasons.

Layered like "The Princess and the Pea's" mattress, my daughter's car blanket in hand, I was as prepared as I could be for weathering the elements.

I wasn't prepared for the text (via twitter) I received from Barbara Jones, founder of the amazing One2One Network (that, if you're a woman, you must join if you haven't already!):

"Hold on to your seat. U R not going to believe this but you just WON the Artisan 800 printer in the O2O giveaway...no joke..fair & square!!"

After that good news, I barely noticed the icicles dangling off my nose.

I am curious, though...have YOU ever won anything during Bloggy Giveaways or through some other venue on the interweb?  Do tell about your good fortune :).

(Thank you One2One, thank you Barbara...you couldn't have drawn a more grateful person's name out of the hat!)

Half-full or half-empty is just the begining...

How do you see the glass?

HT: Discovered while stumbling.