Conversation overheard at the pool today--
Stephen (11): "Awwww, Mom...you're CHUNKY! That's soooo cuuuuute."
Me: "I'M FAT??? YOU'RE TELLING ME I'M F A T???!!!"
Stephen: "No, Mom, I said it's CUTE."
s i g h...
Guess that's a sign I have no business in a two-piece anymore, even if it's just around the family.
And the kid? Restriction 'til college.
The first time she babysat for us--before there were cell phones--she called me at my first errand "stop" to tell me my daughter had just blown out her diaper and there was "stuff" all over Rachel, all over the bed...and everywhere in between.
She was just 12 then, but Kayce and I have been connected ever since; remarkably she agreed to sit again. She loved my babies for years, and part of my heart went with her when she left for college; my children still refer to her as their Favorite Babysitter.
This morning I noticed a chatbox from her in gmail, with this link...then another. Her baby sister, Kara, whose wedding is two weeks away, is getting national freaking media attention even while I write!
The exclusive Charlotte bridal shop where she purchased her dress closed without notice, leaving at least a dozen brides without the dresses they paid for; some, like Kara, just weeks from their wedding day. Several also lost the bridesmaid's dresses.
Kara's one of the lucky ones; she had already picked up her dress, and had returned it for pre-paid alterations. She'll have to pay someone again to have it altered, but at least it's her dress. Wrong info! That was a sample dress! Kara's is in Canada, unpaid, still with the designer (who is "giving" it to her at cost...AFTER SHE'S ALREADY PAID FOR IT :(!!).
And the icing on this wedding cake? Local media is eating it up! Obviously, from the links above, the newspaper and news channels are trolling for ratings. But GET! OUT!! GOOD MORNING AMERICA (you know, the one with Diane Sawyer) JUST CALLED! Looks like they want to include her story about people affected by fraud.
Oh...my...good news travels fast, but bad news? THAT gets you on the national morning news.
What a country.....!
...but in case you haven't, allow me to share a funny:
Which begs the question "why is there a proliferation of kids eating/biting fingers on the internet??" Which begs further, "Why are we laughing??"
Hehe...because it's daggum funny, that's why!
(In case youtube isn't loading on your page, click HERE to see "Charlie bit me...!")
~ Robin @ PENSIEVE
Karisma and Kids is hosting a Spring cleaning poetry competition, and I couldn't resist! Once I started, can you tell how much FUN I had with this? I might not win her contest, but no worries--this time, it was pure delight to try :). She's still looking for submissions, why don't YOU give it a go??
Warning: Put your beverage down (or don't blame me if stuff starts spewing out your nose)!
Question: Am I wretched or horribly politically incorrect for thinking this is hee-hee-larious?
Apology: I wanted to hat-tip the blogger from whom I lifted this, but I can't remember who it is. If it's "you", please forgive me (and let me know so I can credit you).
Enough with my disclaimers...on with the show!
At least they have the plastic peanuts to play with!
Momnesia
Thanks to Min & Jenny from Good Mom / Bad Mom for totally validating what I speak here is pure, unadulterated, nonverifiable TRUTH! If you're visiting from their blog, thanks and lemme know you dropped by!
(But what I REALLY want the title to be is: "Momnesia: more like herpes than AIDS" because I'm in a mood and Nellie-bar-the- door when I'm in a mood...and since I'm in that "mood", who the heck is "Nellie" anyway?!)
Big i n h a l e ~
So, this morning I'm meeting some friends for breakfast, right? but they don't know the location "for sure" because last week when we talked about it, it was Starbucks if the weather was "good", Panera if was "bad and we're in a season of drizzly nondescript Spring weather, and to me, it wasn't "good" weather so I headed to Panera early since it's too far to go back home after school drop off, the added plus of free wi-fi and I'd have time to write a few poems for Laura's weekly challenge while I waited, and I was going to text the location to them, only when I got to Panera and reached for my phone I REALIZED I HAD LEFT THE BLASTED THING AT HOME! (breathe)
I took a seat, fired up my laptop, hoped my friends had memories like elephants, and alternated writing lines of poetry in between looking up every 42 seconds to see if they were there yet and FINALLY Tammy shows up because she actually knew where we were meeting and when I asked to borrow her phone so we could let Ronda and Marianne know where we were, she was all like "YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR PHONE EITHER? I FORGOT MINE!" and I'm like HOW COULD WE BOTH FORGET OUR PHONES cause as moms YOU NEVER ARE WITHOUT YOUR PHONE 'CAUSE YOUR KIDS MIGHT "NEED" YOU, AND BY "NEED" I mean they might've forgotten their homework or uniform for soccer or the paper you HAD to sign giving them permission to watch graphic drunk driving videos, never mind you didn't have to sign anything about the graphic Why kNOw scary disease pictures they saw in Health, but that's another story, and...
(I'll be back in a little while to finish the story 'cause I'm just getting warmed up...not that anyone reads this time of day....;) )
So, Tammy and I chat it up, bouncing back and forth between waiting for the others or going on our own personal wild goose chase and well acquainted with Murphey and his law, we KNOW just as soon as we leave, they'll arrive, so we're frozen to the spot, when lo and behold Ronda arrives and SHE has the good sense to have her phone so she calls Marianne--who is on an entirely different chase of her own to "find" the birthday gift someone was supposed to give to someone else to give to Marianne to give to me, but someone in that menage forgot, and I've got enough confusion on my own not to worry about hers, too, never-you-mind HER chaos results in a surcie for ME.
We FINALLY order and for my trouble I choose the Spinach and Bacon Egg Soufflé weighing in at 560 calories, 36 grams of FAT puffed pastry perfection and an OJ, rationalizing that THAT makes it "healthy" and we have a fabulous visit and the girls give me fun prizes & cards (except for Marianne whose gift is somewhere in the birthday black hole) and then I go to Target to get rabbit food (don't get me started) and somehow I end up spending $127 when the food is only $10 and I know Tad's gonna be all "Lucy you got some s'plainin' to do" and I'll just look at him, blink blink, and mumble my new battle cry "Momnesia!" and pretend he thinks it's cute when I do that.
I get home only to find my phone sitting on the counter RIGHT BESIDE THE DOOR mocking me so I zap that sucker into oblivion with a vaporizing glare, pull out my laptop to finish writing SOMETHING for goodness sakes, and realize...
I LEFT THE FLIPPIN' POWER CORD AT PANERA AND THERE'S "37% remaining" on the battery which translates to about 3.7 minutes and all I can think is--MOMNESIA--and I used to be a certified Mensa Member and I've sent astronauts to the moon and I graduated with honors and used to be a M a r k e t i n g
P r o f e s s i o n a l and I CAN'T REMEMBER A PHONE AND AN ELECTRICAL CORD within HOURS of each other???
And can I get a witness that it's a pain on multiple levels to have to go back from whence you came to retrieve something you shouldn't have left behind in the first place? Amen?! AMEN?!?!
I've got three or four "real writing projects" going on so I wanted/needed/wanted my laptop, settled for our PC, but between my carpel tunnel and total discombobulation I didn't get much done so I threw in the towel and worked on our 20th anniversary album instead and you might want to note here I was not so distraught so as to dust or mop, now THAT would be an indicator of full-blown depression, which often follows momnesia.
Then it was time to head back out for the day and when I got in my car my diagnosis was confirmed, though there was little doubt before--
My power cord was in the car.
Click here to learn more about this recently verified affliction universal to Motherhood!
Spring is a colorful, dynamic season of transition--in the weather, in nature's landscape...and in my closet. As temperatures warm, out come months-forgotten clothes that can't wait to go from lifeless hanger or drawer to a hot-blooded body. That's right, interpeeps, clothes have personality and character and feelings. I'm convinced that's why I get attached to them.
Pondering what to wear this morning, on a day that began frosty-ish but promised 70s before the sun set, I remembered a pair of khaki's I got, the good end from a not-so-great Christmas return. Actually, I wanted to wear a three-quarter-length- sleeved sweater (in one of my favorite colors to wear!), the perfect top for a 30-something--70 degree swing; my black pants required heels, so I opted for khaki.
Pulling them off the hanger, I slipped in one foot then the other. Something was dreadfully wrong! My thighs were close to exploding the seams!!! Thoughts raced through my brain at the speed of sound or light or whatever's faster, simultaneous layered thoughts, not linear or sequential--"These-were- a-little-big-when-I-got-'em, and-I-wanted-them-to-shrink, but-not-THIS-much!-WHATTHEHECK-are-these-made-of???HOW- could-I-have-gotten-fatter-when-I've-been walking-two- plus-miles-a-day??Is-my-metabolism-in-reverse???" among other thoughts and words than I'll spare you now. I was confused and in a state of disbelief.
Mortified and with great effort, I peeled them off...furious that middle age does this to you without advance warning. I didn't understand how I could be heavier than I was a few months ago, been walking faithfully for the past several weeks.
Usually, I can brush things off like this...not this morning. I was mad and disgusted.
Lingering thoughts of my inexplainable, overnight-expanding hips, thighs and buttocks hung in mid air as I flipped the pants to read the tag; I was curious what they were made of because I knew shrinkage had to have SOMETHING to do with my not being able even to zip them! And then I smiled....
YES!! THEY WEREN'T MINE!! They were my 15-year-old daughter's!! The words "Old Navy" never looked more beautiful.
And, once again, all was well, inner peace and harmony were restored...and I ate a bowl of chocolate ice cream for breakfast to celebrate ;).
p.s. The last time I wrote about "fat jeans", it was a VERY different story, daggum it >:(............ One of y'all hexed me, didn't you? ;)
Do you have words created by your family that are used as part of your personal vernacular? Nikki posed this question for fun today, and my first thought was I'd have a list of dozens--I'm a l w a y s making up words.
However, the truth is, it's an "in the moment" thing and they rarely stick around for very long. A few that have are:
Booghetti (coined by my son for one of his favorite dishes, spaghetti, and it's what we often call it now)
Toronado (it's what I usually call tornadoes...but I don't know why. Once when we were driving with friends, I saw a cloud in the distance, pointed and said, "That looks like a toronado...!". The husband replied, "I don't think that's a Toronado, I think it's a Riviera." I can't remember if I explained to him what I meant or if I just let it slide...I do remember not wanting to make him feel stupid for not understanding me.)
Egubrious (I lurve this word! It's perfect to describe all matters of disgustation, like this story. Sometimes the brothers just name-call it to each other, and depending on what they're up to, it fits :/.)
Suchie (for some reason, I began calling sushi "suchie" years ago; the pronunciation is very clipped, with the accent on the second syllable. My sushi-loving friend, Gina, told me it almost sounds profane the way I say it; I think it just sounds ignorant, but now I can't not say it that way!)
Nikki also asked if there were any "looks" you gave one another that communicated something without the need of words.
Why yes we do, or make that, I do, and my children refer to it as "The Errrr Face". They are wicked, wicked children because they find it sport to provoke me to the point of "this face" sometimes. It's that look mothers get when they are exasperated with their kids and can't find the words to express it (and either they crack up laughing at me or turn tail and run...depending on what they know they can get away with).
I have no pictures of me with The Errrr Face, but not for lack of their trying! They've actually attempted to push me to this face just for the purpose of photographing it! Wicked, wicked children...I think I shall sell them to the circus today--three for the price of one!
For the record, The Errrr Face works until about age six (to threaten silently)...after that, it just causes wrinkles ;).
Be sure to visit Nikki for more fun new words you might want to capture as your own!
A fun little blast from the past sent via email to me by my husband this morning (if this is any kind of a hint--which I'm sure it's NOT--see how quickly my fingers stick in my ears while I close my eyes and sing-song "La la la...I can't hear you!").
You've GOT to embiggen this to fully appreciate it.
"Be a little gay and more interesting to him"???? Ummm, what a difference 50 years makes in interpretation.... For the record, he didn't make the notes....
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
On a different but related note, during morning drive time, I heard about this challenge on the radio. I didn't believe it was true. After a bit of web-surfing......... it looks like it's legit.
Anybody signing up?
I tell ya, between that challenge and my WW post, there sure are some whacky Christians out there (then again, I've always confessed to being a freak myself ;) ).
(and if you didn't click the challenge link (and you'd like some good great stimulating provocative imaginative marriage advice) this is one time you need to go back and do so...you won't believe it!)
