PENSIEVE

The original web writer

It is pure joy to my person when one of my children excitedly runs into the house and with great enthusiasm spouts, "IF YOU WANNA TAKE A PICTURE OF THE CRAZY-BIGGEST SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN, GET YOUR CAMERA--NOW!!!".

Nothin' says "I love you, Mama" like them knowing what makes my heart flit and flutter, even when it's of the arachnid variety.  If you searched my blog (hmmm, I DO want one of those little search boxes...suggestions?) or if you're a long-time reader, you already know I have a macabre fascination with spiders and snakes and creepy crawlers of every flavor.  Mice and rats are another story.  And roaches.  THOSE are the bane of my existence.  When I get to heaven, God has some 'splainin' to do. 

But I digress.

Really, truly, with GREAT (albeit, rather questionable) pleasure, I bring you Charlotte and her web--

But wait!  That's her underbelly and the center of her web obscured a "good" view.  OF COURSE, I had to walk around to the other side, wade through waist-high bushes and photograph her dead on.

Aren't writing spiders amazing??  Why do they do that little zig-zag stitch?  Is it for aesthetics?  Strengthening their web?  And why only in one place?

I wasn't stuck in her web, but she held me captive.  Can someone PLEASE explain to me why I will get inches away from all manner of insects, etc., when I'm behind a camera lens?  This makes no sense to me.  If I happened upon her the way Thomas did--chasing a basketball and almost falling into her web--I'd be screamin' like a girl.  They woulda heard me three counties over.

But...nooooo!  I just kept taking pictures, fiddlin' with the settings on my SLR. 

 

The photo shoot apparently wore Miss Charlotte OUT and stirred up quite an appetite (either that or she was giving fair warning to me if I got any closer).  She curled around her innocent victim and I'm pretty sure proceeded to suck his brains out. 

 

Which was such a thing of wonder, she had me waxing poetic.  Let's close on Mary Howitt's classic tale (and oft mis-quoted) verse, The Spider and the Fly.

Will you walk into my parlour? said the spider to the fly.
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy,
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair, can ne'er come down again.
I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high
Will you rest upon my little bed? said the Spider to the Fly.

There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!
Oh no, no, said the little Fly, for I've often heard it said
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice
I'm sure you're very welcome, will you please to take a slice?

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, Kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!
Sweet creature! said the Spider, you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!

I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself.
I thank you, gentle sir, she said, for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day.

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.

Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing,
Your robes are green and purple, there's a crest upon your head
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!

Alas, alas! How very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue

Thinking only of her crested head, poor foolish thing!
At last, Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour, but she ne'er came out again!

And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed.
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

 

Oh--I almost forgot:  Carmi's (Written Inc.) theme for this week's Thematic Photographic is "nature".  How kind of him to select one that so perfectly suits yesterday's photoshoot!   Click here for details.

Seeing spots...

The good kind...

Is it my imagination or is Bambi blowing raspberries at me?

And the not-so-good, skin-crawling, dance the "heebie-jeebie promenade" kind...

Above, a frontal view; doesn't his "face" give you waking nightmares?  Below, his underside...those furry legs are just D Y I N G to wrap themselves around you their prey...!

Alligators aren't the only things at Kiawah that leave you lookin' over your shoulder....;)

One of our car convos and why I was "quiet" yesterday

My poems were written early yesterday because I knew after school drop off my day would spin out of control and blogging was not going to be a part of it.  I hosted a baby shower for a new friend in our Sunday School class Bible Fellowship last night, and my day was to be filled with little more than cooking and cleaning. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So on the way to school, my middle child uttered perhaps the STRANGEST thing that has ever flowed from his lips...if you've been reading PENSIEVE a while, you know that's saying a lot (and you might want to skip this part if grossness grosses you out (even if it's only words, it paints a disgusting picture).

T:  "You know what I think about doing when I get chill bumps all over?"

He pauses for effect.

T:  "I think about getting a knife and scraping them all off into a bowl...and EATING them...."

I'm gagging at the thought, but he's not done and it gets even MORE disgusting....

T:  "...yeah, I think the same thing about people who have bad acne...I just wanna scrape it off into a bowl..."

Thank God, he didn't wanna eat that, too! 

You know, I used to wish I could creep into the minds of my children to know their secret thoughts and unspoken dreams.  Thomas is curing that, revelation by revelation.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So, back to the baby shower.  It was a "Sip & See", which is code for she's already had the baby.  For weeknight things like this, I keep it simple, but simple still means preparation.  It was dessert only, not a full "shower spread", and I made my favorite recipes:  sour cream pound cake, strawberry creme puffs, fudge**, and butter mints.

Needless to say, between cookin' and makin' the above, then cleaning my house...I didn't stop to use the bathroom yesterday.  At 6:53, seven minutes before guests were due to arrive, I finally changed clothes and brushed my teeth, and finished just in time to greet the first guest.

Then the second...

...and the third.

At 7:30, the guest of honor was not here; originally, I planned the shower for 7:30, so I thought maybe that time had stuck in her mind instead of the revised earlier time.  At 7:45, we were all a bit concerned--I envisioned her stuck in a ditch on the way to my house!--so I called her home.  She answered on the second ring.

"Hey (name not used to protect the innocent, although she was guilty and she doesn't even read my blog)."

Her:  "Hey Robin, how are youOHMYGOODNESSI'MSUPPOSEDTOBEATYOURHOUSERIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me (laughing):  "It's okay...I was just worried..."

Her:  "I'mOnMyWayOutTheDoorNowI'MSOOOOOSORRY!!!  I just forgot...if you knew my day...."

And I'm like, you don't have to come, it's okay, we'll bring the party to you, yadayada, and she insisted on coming.

Ya know, in my pre-kids days I would've never understood how you could forget your own party....  Now?  (and this lady has four children)  I totally understand...it didn't phase me or really surprise me that much.

And when all was said and done, we had a splendid evening :).

**Can someone tell me why mine always crumbles when I slice it???  It tastes GREAT, but it's hard to get any "usable" squares out of it...am I cooking it too long?  It's the Fantasy Fudge recipe off marshmallow cream.

I beg your pardon...!

Hmph...I guess it coulda been worse, but then again, what IS worse than a fruitcake??

You Are a Fruitcake!

You taste like nothing else in this world. And get ready, you're about to get tossed!

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?


HT:  Acaligurl

Since it's the season of GIVING...

...it's GOT to be the season of RECEIVING for somebody, right?

Which makes me curious.  What is the WORST gift you've ever received?  What distinguished it as such?  I'm not talking about gag gifts or "gifts" you ended up with at a White Elephant or Chinese Gift exchange...something you received that the giver gave you in all seriousness.  The present, upon opening it, you had to scramble to find the words to voice your appreciation, when inside your brain was screaming WHAT-THE-HECK-AM-I- GONNA-DO-WITH-THIS???! 

Tell me your stories--either leave a comment here or blog it (I think it'd be a fun post) and let me know by linking to Mr. Linky below (all you have to do is type your name in the first window and post URL in the second).  Photographs would be a bonus (but I bet you don't still have it unless it's recent ;) ).

I'll think on mine and get back with ya...I can't wait to hear your stories!

Wordless Wednesdays ~ Slippery and Slimy

Hot, boiled peanuts--love 'em or hate 'em?

 

Wordless Wednesday HQ
wordless wednesday

 

Wordless Wednesday - Frightful!

Super-size at your own risk.   I almost didn't post this but decided in honor of Halloween, I'd offer the scariest thing I've ever seen I(n)R(eal)L(ife).  And really...there are no words, are there?

I hope you can forgive me....

wordless wednesday

Multi-tasking--Cooking, Cleaning, Blogging & More Questions

1) Today is the monthly "Recipe Round-up" and I'm working on my inaugural post for that (you gotta like a meme that rolls around just once a month).  Hosted by Motherhood Apologia, October's theme is "Freezer Recipes".  I'm in the middle of cooking Noni's Chicken Stew, one of the suggestions I had offered (but didn't choose) for the Fun Monday "Favorite Recipe" edition. 

My chicken is simmering for the stew.  It looks like this right now:

Can anyone tell me why chicken daggum FOAMS when you simmer it?  Better yet, DO I WANT TO KNOW???  This is NOT the time to be imaginative and offer creative reasons...it grosses me out enough to handle raw poultry.

Hop over to Motherhood Apologia to check out some yummy recipes or add your own if you have one you'd like to share.

2)  I'm re-seasoning my black cast iron skillet right now.  I'll give ya the recipe for that soon...for now, it smells like my house is burning down.

3)  In unrelated news, my youngest can fly!  I so wish I had been ready for the shot at his highest point....

Interestingly, when I asked him what super power he'd like to have, it was the strangest thing I ever heard NOT flying. 

4)  Do ya have any suggestions for what really and truly can clean a ceramic cook-top? 

5)  If you've surfed at all lately, you've seen the BlogHer survey like the one at the top right of my page...and you've probably ignored it.  If you have a minute, would you take time to click it and answer the questions?  Ok...2.5 minutes.  Thanks if you bother :).

Off to check the chicken, recipe coming soon (pictures a bit later).

Discombobulated...same song, different verse - revised...

Outside of Fun Monday and a post here or there, I've been absent from the blogosphere...I haven't even been able to respond to comments here at Pensieve, let alone comment elsewhere :/.  Y'all have your "stuff", wanna know mine?

If ya do............

Reason #1 is our kitchen is in phase 312 of our renovation--this time, the kitchen cabinets are going from oak to black- destresseddistressed (I'm so shaken up I can't even SPELL!) painting (meaning, I'm de one stressed).  I'm too discombobu- lated to post those pictures at the moment (they're on my lappy, I'm on our PC), but last night while I was cleaning and peeling layer after layer of black paint dust off every surface in our kitchen, this mutha had the nerve to scare the ever-livin' snot outta me.

I don't know what his official name is, but I call him a "brown porcupine-butt mean mutha of a spider".  I'm pretty sure this picture was its actual size.

Anyhoo....more later...and thanks for all your advice and continued visits.   One day I'll be back to "normal" :/.

UPDATE: 

WHAT THE HEEBIE-flippin-GEEBIES?!  Everyone who has commented so far tonight informed me that pine-cone behind on this monster arachnid is not a behind at all but TEN SQUILLION BABY SPIDERS!  S.K.I.N. C.R.A.W.L.I.N.G...!!!  My hand was three inches from him--wait...make that HER!!  And because I wanted my youngest to see it (I knew he'd appreciate it since he was in bed at midnight when I found him her), I put a jar over it, slid a sheet of paper under it and CAPTURED IT!  And if that wasn't bad enough, I LET IT GO this morning.

I am so NOT gonna sleep tonight :/.

 

"Mom...you know what's REALLY sick?!"...

(buckle your seat belt, this is an actual conversation we had this morning...)

Me (knowing fully well I will regret asking):  "What, honey?"

S:  "You know the Coke machines in the lunchroom?  You gotta pass by them everyday to turn in your lunch tickets..."

Me:  "Yeah."  (Did someone say "Coke"???? :) )

S:  "It's really gross!  Gannon wiped a booger on the Dr. Pepper button and it's still there!"

Me (turning green):  "WHAT?!?!"

S:  "Yeah, he's not even at our school anymore, and it's STILL THERE!"

Me (incredulous it's still there):  "Well, a truly servant thing to do would be to get a rag and clean it..."

T, chiming in:  "Mom, it's not coming off, it's been there like THREE YEARS!"

Me (wondering if any ADULT knows about this, or instead--and surely more likely--has been blindly pressing a crusty-mucus- ickified Dr. Pepper button for years now):  "...a very WET rag...!"

T (with a classic conversation ender and why I HAD to blog this):  "But, Mom...it's a signature booger."

p.s.  And for anyone who read yesterday's post, no, this is NOT what I was hoping to "write well"....