PENSIEVE

Do you remember what you were doin' 20 years, 6 months & 18 days ago? I do.

It's pretty fair to say I don't have a memory like the proverbial elephant--if it isn't crumpled in a pile on the floor, I couldn't tell you what I wore yesterday.

Prompted by E-mom and her "Wedding Day" Marriage Monday theme, I thought it'd be fun to compile a "Top Ten" list of my favorite wedding day memories.  Considering that was over 20 years ago, let's see what comes to mind :)--

[1]  One of my bride's maids forgot her shoes. 

This was in the era of dyed-to- match shoes, and Katie had on black to everyone else's cornflower blue.  The funny thing to me now is, Katie was probably more in style than anyone else!  In all our pre-ceremony photographs, we found a way to "hide" her shoes; a friend managed to get Katie's to her just minutes before the processional music began. 

[2]  I had a native tan in November...everyone else was autumn "white".

What an idiot--we weren't even going anywhere tropical for our honeymoon! Remember this was the 80s when a bronze glow looked healthy, not like melanoma dawning.  It's the one and only season I tanned in a salon.

[3]  Clemson~Maryland, Georgia~Auburn.  What in the heck were we thinking planning our 4:00 p.m. wedding on one of the biggest football days of the year??  Growing up in Athens, Ga. and teething on Bulldawg glory, I went to college at Clemson (equally football ravenous); my hometown friends thought me traitorous!  I couldn't find a picture of it, but even my father had a transistor radio to his ear listening to the games right before we walked the aisle (when I asked Tad his outstanding wedding day memories, THIS was the one HE recalled!).  Let's just say every guy in attendance made sure I knew the sacrifice they were making....

[4]  My baby brother, at the time just six years old, was in a half body cast, having broken his leg a few weeks before the wedding.  We were both disappointed he couldn't be a little groomsman.  Here, we kinda propped him up to get a picture.

[5]  I can't even remember what I did after our rehearsal dinner Friday night, but my long-time best friend, Mandy, spent the night with me in our hotel.  Somehow, she managed to sneak a card in my suitcase and I discovered it my wedding night...it made me cry happy tears.

[6]  We may have had one of the UGLIEST groom's cakes on the planet, but I can tell ya this--it was one of the BEST cakes I've ever tasted!  And though my wedding cake was prettier to look at, its taste paled in comparison!

[7]  We had a short honeymoon, heading to the Old Edward's Inn in Highlands, NC for a few nights before ending up at The Grove Park Inn in Asheville.  The outstanding memory at the Grove Park?  Housekeeping not only knocking on our door, but daggum opening it when we were "occupied"!!  I think I jumped out of my skin and Tad somehow managed to protect my dignity...maybe....

[8]  Our post-ceremony pictures went on FOREVER--I was sick of being photographed so I KNOW everyone else was!  I think we arrived at the reception close to an embarrassing hour after the wedding.  Here's one of my favorite shots--you can see the "look" in our eyes.  This was before the advent of digital, so we don't have many candids....

[9] Before the days of Victoria's Secrets, sexy lingerie was mild in comparison to today's selections.  Feeling particularly racy and grown up, I wore silk stockings attached to a real garter belt (do brides even wear white stockings anymore???).  When Tad began to slip off the traditional throw-away blue garter, I was extremely paranoid someone would be able to tell what I had on underneath.  Can you tell how I was holding my dress to make sure no one found out??

[10]  I wore my wedding dress to the hotel that night instead of changing into a "going away" ensemble.  To me, there was nothing more romantic or sexier than having my new husband unbutton 25 buttons............and that's all I'll say about THAT! ;)

BONUS:  Twenty years after our wedding, with a little help...I could still fit into my wedding dress!

Visit Chrysalis for more wedding day remembrances today or to write and link your own.  The Marriage Monday meme meets at Chrysalis the first Monday of every month. Similar to a group writing project or blog Carnival, bloggers post their thoughts on specific topic, and then link up there. Afterward, participants enjoy visiting as many other linkers as they have time for.

Marital advice that'll leave you speechless...or cheering

A fun little blast from the past sent via email to me by my husband this morning (if this is any kind of a hint--which I'm sure it's NOT--see how quickly my fingers stick in my ears while I close my eyes and sing-song "La la la...I can't hear you!"). 

You've GOT to embiggen this to fully appreciate it.

"Be a little gay and more interesting to him"????  Ummm, what a difference 50 years makes in interpretation....  For the record, he didn't make the notes....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On a different but related note, during morning drive time, I heard about this challenge on the radio.  I didn't believe it was true.  After a bit of web-surfing......... it looks like it's legit. 

Anybody signing up?

I tell ya, between that challenge and my WW post, there sure are some whacky Christians out there (then again, I've always confessed to being a freak myself ;) ). 

(and if you didn't click the challenge link (and you'd like some good great stimulating provocative imaginative marriage advice) this is one time you need to go back and do so...you won't believe it!)

If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I would never have believed he said it...!!!

"Life's too short to wear ugly shoes."
~ Tad aka Mr. Pensieve

He just gave me another reason to love him...:)

Heart to Heart...If I tell her will she hear?

Giving birth changes you in ways expected and in ways never imagined. 

Cliches from your own childhood--words you swore to yourself you'd never say--echo for a season in the hollows of memory, eventually finding voice as they pass through your own lips and give your children reason to roll their eyes or alternately bask in their glow.  "Because I said so" becomes reason enough, and "You're growing like a weed" is painfully true. 

Now that I have two teens and a tween, I'm acutely aware that my position of influence in their lives will ebb and flow over the coming years.  When they were younger, they took every word we uttered as gospel; as their legs of independence gain strength, I know they'll test or resist or challenge much of what we say, eventually (hopefully) returning to the conclusion (perhaps in their 20s?) that we knew what we were talking about after all.

Prompted by Chrysalis's "Marriage Monday" Carnival, I've been thinking through this week's topic, "Three Things My Daughter Must Know About Her Marital Needs".  My daughter is one of those rare creatures who, at 15, has yet to give dating serious thought.  I realize fully well this is an aberration that has protected us--and her--from a weight of teenage drama and angst, and for this, I am thankful.

The past six months I've watched her age a decade...she looks like a young woman and I realize one day in the not-too-distance future, she'll share the name of another.  These are the things I want to tell her, the things I hope...pray...she remembers when it's "time".

Choosing your mate is the single-most life-affecting decision you will ever make. Choose wisely. 

This is a seed I've already planted in all of our children.  They know I believe it's more important than college, career, where they choose to live...anything!   I've cautioned them that this decision will affect every other decision for the rest of their lives, bearing consequence not just in their own lives, but in the lives of their children, in-laws, family and friends.

I've already begun additional seeding--"coaching" her with regard to what to "look for" in a husband (a shared faith, mutual respect, kindness, manners-for-goodness-sakes...!).  Again, I realize she's just a freshman in high school, but my hope is to embed reasoned thinking in the recesses of her mind...so when she falls madly, passionately in love with her prince charming, she can look 15...20...30 years down the road and still want to say...choose to say..."yes" to him when his hair is thinning, his stomach is not, and he still doesn't realize she needs the toilet seat DOWN when she "goes".

As much as her husband will be her best friend, he can never be her girlfriend.

Women need other women...period. 

There was a season in my own life I didn't understand this; I was extremely self-reliant and almost prided myself in not "needing" anyone.  That was foolish and naive.  Now, I'm so thankful for the strong women in my life.  The girlfriends I can just "BE" with, the women I can confide in, cry with, pray with, those with whom I can share laughter and life.  We encourage each other as mothers, as wives, as friends; we don't just tell each other what we want to hear but what we need to hear.  Because they're cloaked in a veil of love, even the difficult things are receivable.  Girlfriends will challenge you to speak "love" in the way your husband best hears it.

I hope Rachel will find other older women who can mentor her; who can confirm the things I've taught her, but who can also explain and encourage my own relationship with her...other women who can assure her that God didn't create men to read their bride's minds, and it's her responsibility to share her heart when she wants him just to know it....

Laughter is crucial.

Because marriage is a marathon, not a sprint, there will be bumps along the road.  Sometimes, it might even look like leaving is the best option.  That's when I want her to understand that those times are normal and should be expected.

Laughing together is as important to me as a good physical relationship and good communication.   Life is hard...demands of raising children, providing for a family, dealing with familial and friend relationships?  Excruciating at times.  If she and her husband can find reasons to laugh in the midst of trial and difficult circumstance, I believe they can weather life's storms.

I'm sure I'll think of a dozen other "three things" I want my daughter to know about her marital needs as soon as I hit "publish"...some of those thoughts are already swirling.  Be sure to visit e-mom for similar essays from other women whose insight might make a difference in your life :).  There's still time to write your own, too!

I'd love to know your thoughts, too...what would you (have you) advised your own daughters?  What was helpful advice given to you?  Did you listen?

Old San Juan, Part III

Part I, click here
Part II, click here

 

We had no idea the rare gem we had mined when we chose San Juan, Puerto Rico as a lay-over between home and our ultimate destination, Antigua; our only interest was in finding a flight that would get us to the island during daylight hours.

Talk about hitting the jackpot when you weren't even playing the lottery...!

My husband, once again relying on his "go-to friend in the travel business", took time to research the perfect place to spend the night in San Juan.  He intentionally avoided the coastal resort high-rises since most of our anniversary trip was going to be ocean front.  Because we considered our "real" trip was to begin once we were in Antigua, neither one of us gave much thought to the city of San Juan itself. 

If we had, we might not have ever made it to Antigua. 

The majority of our time was spent in Old San Juan, at 465 years old, the second oldest city in America (Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory and it hadn't occurred to me before visiting that our president is their president).  The architecture of the buildings--some dating back to the 16th century-- combined with colorful renovation bring this ancient city to LIFE!  The seven-block area is paved with cobbled adoquine, blue stone cast from furnace slag; even the streets are works of art.  I couldn't help but make a mental comparison to "Rainbow Row" in Charleston, SC, but the buildings were even more colorful and more beautiful than those!

Streets are well-signed and maps are easy to follow; even directionally- impaired people--like ME--could find their way around. 

Every local we met--cabbie, bellman, waiter--insisted we visit El Morro, a six-story fortress constructed between the 1500s-1700s.  Situated on 75 acres, the massive structure overlooks a stunning view of San Juan Bay.  With walls 18-feet thick, it's a maze of tunnels and dungeons and barracks and outposts...and it's difficult to imagine the reason it was originally built.  In a word, it's amazing.

Seeing the old cannons is an instant reminder that blood was shed here.  I wonder if more people were killed firing the big guns than being hit by them....

 

Maybe that's why they needed instructions--

Some of the views make you dizzy...

Everything they needed was right there...it was kind of like Vatican City, I suppose, except their goal was to keep people out.  Wait a second, what's the goal of Vatican City? 

Their kitchen....

...their chapel...

This is me calm, cool and collected at El Morro.

Well.......that's not exactly true.  Although I'm sure I was calm, I don't know what "collected" means, and at 96 degrees and 159% humidity, I was wringing wet.  Yep, there wasn't anything lady-like about it, don't let the skirt fool ya.  There was no "glowing", no perspiring...I was sweating like a pig.

Which begs the question, do pigs really sweat?  Exactly how was that expression derived? 

See?  This is how I think, how I write, how I clean, how I shop, how I do EVERYTHING!  Total stream of consciousness, bunny trails galore, ai yi yi, and I'm not even finished with Puerto-flippin'-Rico!

But if I'm not mistaken, stick-a-fork-in-this-post, it's DONE!

:)

 

Wordless Wednesday ~ My Hips Don't Lie...

If a picture paints a thousand words...how about 24,000?

 

 

p.s.  Is there a limit on WW pics?  Guess it's a little late to be askin' ;).

Anniversary Trip of a Lifetime ~ Part II: Old San Juan

(Click here for Part I)

Greeted by a disappointing and unexpected rain, we arrived in San Juan late afternoon.  My heart sank, imagining the worst:  the trip that was 20 years in the making, that we saved for, calculated, contemplated and confabulated for a year and a half, was going to be a total wash out--it was hurricane season in the Caribbean, after all!  Neither Tad nor I voiced our concern, but not mentioning it screamed volumes.   All of a sudden the money we saved for booking during the off season didn't seem like such a good idea at.all.

We milled around baggage claim for a dozen mini-lifetimes, weary from our day of travel but excited about seeing the hotel we had only read about.  At a minimum, we knew it was highly rated, so if a monsoon hit, we could entertain ourselves there.   

Neither one of us speak Spanish; we were minority minnows in an Hispanic sea.  The conversation of others, little more than hypnotic white noise, left me wondering what I would've been hearing had I been bi-lingual.  That amused me and passed the time, so I privately constructed my own interpretation of what they were saying--my favorite couple to people-watch was the tall, young, sleek, sophisticated black model accompanied by the shorter, older, sharply-dressed man (who alternated between groping her, whispering in her ear, and assuming various yoga positions in a nearby chair while SHE awaited their luggage). 

Soon enough, we had our suitcases in hand.  With the help of a local tourist official who could spot us as if we were tattooed with a big "I ain't from heer" across our foreheads, we hailed a taxi and were on our way.

As the rain subsided and blue skies peeked through the clouds, my spirit brightened. 

Our Puerto Rican cabbie spoke VERY broken English, but that didn't stop him from acting as our personal tour guide/entertainer...Oooooh, how I wish I understood everything he tried to tell us (Tad seemed to interpret Spanglish better than I did...or at least he faked it better).  One thing is for certain, our driver had p.r.i.d.e. in his homeland, and whether or not we understood what he was saying, his enthusiasm was infectious.

He pointed out various points of local interest, suggested "must-sees" in Old San Juan, and drove us by the convent where "The Flying Nun" was filmed.  His funniest commentary was as we passed what he referred to as the local "drug store".  I was craning my neck for the familiarity of Wal-Mart or CVS; instead, we passed a series of dilapidated buildings...which, as it turns out, was the drug store in question.  He told us the dealers were "very friendly and wouldn't hurt us...they just wanted us to buy their drugs".  We opted not to visit (I had Advil AND Tylenol in my purse, thank-yew-very-much).

We arrived at El Convento and had the good fortune of meeting Gregory, a bellman who spoke English VERY well; he was a wealth of information.  We took a page out of Rachael Ray's book and asked him to direct us to a place the locals dine--we didn't want anything touristy or high-end. 

An appealing aspect of Old San Juan is that it's a walking city--it's safe, streets are well signed, maps are accurate, and when all else fails, you can eventually find someone to ask who speaks English.  We followed Gregory's directions to (WHERE DID I PUT THAT MENU WITH THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT ON IT?) and it was definitely "local".  With some guidance from Gregory, we asked Louis-the-waiter to choose our dinner for us:  I think we ended up with pork tamales, beef and onions and mofungo, it reminded me of "diner meets Puerto Rico".  Our meal tasted fine, but the experience of the meal was delicious (Louis also flooded us with enough information about the city to keep us occupied for days!).

Unfortunately, all the pictures we took the first night are with our point and shoot (with a broken flash) and leave much to be desired; the memories still linger, though.

After dinner, we started walking toward San Juan Bay; because our pictures are marginal, I'll share just a few:

Along the bay, the street was alive; we happened upon a party where it looked like people just showed up--the festive atmosphere compelled people to sing and dance--

Our daytime Old San Juan walking tour is next, and in that post, I'll be using our SLR.  Can't wait to share those pictures (and I promise, I'll let them speak more than I write...!).  You'll be booking a tour to Puerto Rico lickity split AND you'll know a whole lot more than we did before you go!

(Click here for Part III)

Anniversary Trip of a Lifetime ~ Part I: Hotel El Convento in Old San Juan

Before our Yellowstone adventure this summer, it had been over 15 years since Tad and I had flown anywhere together; I suppose you could consider me the estrogen equivalent of John Madden.  I.am totally freaked by loathe.air.travel.

We Tad had done our his homework.  After not just watching, but studying meticulously scrutinizing, air fares for months, it occurred to him the only way for us to arrive at Hermitage Bay--our ultimate destination--before dusk, was to fly to "somewhere else" first.  After evaluating our options, that "somewhere else" was deemed to be San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Ever my personal travel agent, Tad researched hotel options and decided against staying on San Juan's beautiful coast; we'd get plenty of "coast" in Antigua .  Instead, he concluded our best option was El Convento in Old San Juan.  El Convento's rave reviews from our best friend in the travel business left no doubt.

The hotel is a beautifully restored 17th century convent:

Its check-in area is reminiscent of a bygone era:

El Convento is the ultimate in substance and style.  There's a wine and cheese reception every evening--

The views are spectacular from the ground floor...
(courtyard dining, scrumptious breakfast, looking out and up)

...and the rooftop views are equally amazing--
(Me overlooking San Juan Bay, the Governor's Mansion, rooftop pool, the city)

The little details throughout the hotel were countless; I saw a richness and beauty at every turn, even in imperfection:

El Convento is a wonderfully romantic destination, in the heart of a wonderfully romantic city. 

And this is where I sorely regret NEITHER of us researching Old San Juan in advance, to truly understand and appreciate the AMAZING destination we had chosen.  Had we realized the beauty and history of this city, we could've visited for days soaking in the culture, the history, the people of San Juan.

More about that, next time....

Click here for Part II ~ Old San Juan
Click here for Part III - Old San Juan/El Morro

The Great Wedding Gown Mystery

When I began writing about breaking the seal on my preserved wedding dress gown yesterday, I hadn't taken it out of the exterior box in forever (there's a smaller sealed box within the larger outer box); there was just no reason to (other than to look at it longingly with fond memories of "the day") knowing that it wasn't coming out to play until our 20th anniversary.

Well, imagine my horror and dismay when I saw how stained that outer carton was!  I quickly snapped a few photos (geez, always with the blog in mind first and foremost :/), then hastily tugged on the inner carton to assess the damage, if any, to it.

This is the image imprinted on the box...doesn't is SCREAM 1950-something in a wonderfully kitschy kind of way?:

And THIS is what I found when I pulled the rascally rabbit out of the hat:

 

Although there's been some shifting and settling and general box discoloration due to age, the interior box looks pretty good.

Whew!  Talk about a HUGE sigh of relief!

I cannot WAIT to open this...and put on my tiara veil...and slip on my dress and pray it buttons in back!  And pretend to be the Princess Bride...again :). 

"Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva..."

Man, I love that movie--PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW THE ORIGIN OF THAT MOVIE QUOTE!--as campy as it is...it's timeless.  I hope they never remake it. :)

Is a "little bit crazy" analogous to a "little bit pregnant"?

Does it have to be all or nothin'?

Those, who, from the inside out understand "I'm not suffering from my insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it" are best qualified to answer this not rhetorical question.

Why all the crazy talk?

Meet #2488:).

It couldn't have come at a better time. 

November is CHOCK FULL of reasons to write--the season, holiday traditions, my BIG announcement (that you're hearing about for the first--but definitely not last--time ta-day) (no, I'm not joining Karmyn in her nine-month weight gain program (please God, NO! but congrats to her!), and we celebrate officially our 20th wedding anniversary... where, for your viewing pleasure, I will set free my wedding dress that has been entombed in a hermetically-sealed box for TWENTY LONG YEARS, haunting me with the legitimate question, "Why buy the most expensive dress you'll ever wear, and wear it only once?".

Oh, y e a h, baby...I'm busting that seal and I'm squeezing in; of course I'm banking on the fact  the hope  the pipe dream the assumption that I CAN get into it because a) it was a little big when I wore it last time; b) I've gained about 1/2 a pound a year for the past two decades, and surely, it's either i) evenly distributed throughout my whole body so it won't factor much into me fitting into my wedding dress, or ii) the dress will be VERY forgiving since it's poofy where I'm "poofy".

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hmmm, to whet your appetite just a bit, let's look at the dress as it is RIGHT.  NOW. 

It's been living in our closet behind Tad's clothes for the four years we've lived in Tennessee...

 

Oh, dear....WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?? Our house has NEVER flooded, for cryin' out loud--WHAT'S WITH THE WATER MARK?  Is it ONLY on the OUTER BOX?

Well, my sweet little Pensieve-nistas...you'll just have to tune in tomorrow.....

** my apologies to those who know how to write a REAL nail-biting cliffhanger...this is the best I can do ;) **

Hattip to Claudia for the crazy bunny clip :).