This is a compensated review from BlogHer and Sprint.
Ten years ago I was looking toward this season of my life with dread: our children's teenager years. I was told, then, that as toddlers they would step on my toes, but as they grew up, they'd trample my heart.
So far, we've escaped that herd of buffalo wreaking havoc on heart and home.
We're far from perfect parents; they're far from perfect kids. And though I know we have many years to go and we'll make more mistakes along the way, I believe a few wise choices have contributed to relatively smooth sailing so far:
- prayer!
- demonstrative love {figure out what "speaks" love to them and use that language often!}
- taking a parenting course when they were young
- reinforcing desired behavior
- discipline/consequences when they made purposeful bad decisions (a distinction between childish thoughtlessness)
- seeking and listening to the counsel of others whose children were older
- avoiding comparing them to others (siblings or friends)
- encouraging open communication
That last one--encouraging open communication--becomes increasingly important as children approach their tween years and as crucial as oxygen when they hit mid teens. But how do you do that as they get older, gain more independence and freedom, and seem to be on the go all...the...time...!?
I don't claim to know all the answers, but doesn't living it qualify me to offer a little encouragement and advice? :) Some suggestions:
- Start early. If you start trying to communicate with your daughter when she's 16, she'll probably look at you like you're crazy.
- Be intentional. Open lines of communication do not happen by accident. If you think about it when they're young, you'll develop a style that evolves naturally.
- Encourage dialogue. The fastest way to lose your kids is to lecture them; no one likes a droning monologue. Good communication involves a volley of communication, not an ace of your words slammed at them.
- Make time. There's no such thing as "quality time" if you want your children to share their heart with you, to invite you into their lives. And you really can't force this; you have to provide one-on-one opportunity (sometimes multiple opportunities!) for them to open up. Some of my best, most insightful conversations took place in my garage!!
- Set loose boundaries. Huh? What am I talking about? Foster an atmosphere where you children can tell you anything--ANYTHING--as long as they do so respectfully. Let them disagree with you; but require them to state their case.
- Don't react, and heaven forbid, don't OVER react. This is one of those gems a parent told me when my kids were toddlers; at the time I remember thinking, "How can I not react if my kids tell me someone's sexually active or drinking or WHATEVER?!" It's fine for your insides to be shocked to smithereens, but if you want your kids to tell you The Big Stuff next time, it's in your best interest to develop a poker face.
Okay, enough from me :). I conducted a quick Twitter poll and here's advice offered from a few followers.
Your turn:
Do you have additional pearls of wisdom to add? What about sharing how you learned from a mistake? Have a question? Maybe someone will have helpful suggestions for you about maintaining open communication with your children.
All commenters to this post will be eligible for a $200 Visa gift card drawing (see fine print below) & be sure to check out how other BlogHer Reviewers keep lines of communication open with their growing kids - with 8 additional chances to win a $200 Visa gift card!
Find more info for keeping in touch with your kids here.
To enter, leave me a comment below or if you've written a similar post, leave a link to it in comments. The contest will begin at 9:00 a.m. (PST) August 10, 2009 and will end 5:00 p.m. (PST) September 4, 2009. Make sure that the e-mail address you leave is correct.
Rules:
- No duplicate comments.
- Receive an additional entry by linking on twitter and leaving a separate link in comments.
- Receive an additional entry by blogging about this contest and leaving a link in comments.
- This giveaway is open to US-residents, 18 and over.
- Winners will be selected via random draw, and will notified by e-mail.
- You have 48 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
- Please see the official rules here: Official Rules
